Dear Gap: I love you

So, I haven't changed it on the side ticker yet (I want to wait until the whoremones settle down to make sure) but this morning I weighed in at 197.5. New low! Not bad, considering not long ago I was at 202-ish.

In other news: Ladies with hips, hear me now. Do you hate shopping for jeans like I do? Because I hate it. In fact, hate is too nice a word. I would rather do anything in life than shop for jeans. I'd have my wisdom teeth cut out again. I'd go back to that time I had mono. I'd even take law school exams all over again if someone told me that the perfect jeans would just appear in my closet.

Because, dear readers, when you are shaped like me, the perfect jeans are SO hard to find. I have a kind-of-hourglass figure. I say kind of, b/c my waist, while significantly smaller than my hips, is not as small as it once was when I truly defined myself as hourglass. Either way, I have hips. I have hips for DAYS, readers. And my waist is relatively small. And my thighs ... oh, my thighs. They are just huge.

So, this resulted in never having a pair of jeans fit properly. If they fit my thighs and hips, they were huge in the waist. I'm talking, "why, hello, yes, if you look down you CAN see my underwear through the gap in the front of my jeans" large. And if they were the size that would fit my waist, they would never get there b/c my thighs wouldn't allow it.

That is, gentle readers, until I tried the Gap. Yes, I have lost enough weight that I don't feel ridiculous going into a Gap store. Yes, the employees are size 0. But they carry up to a size 18 in the store. And I wear a 14-16 now. So I went.

And I am IN LOVE.

I got there about 30 minutes before closing, so I didn't get to try on every jean in the store. But let me tell you -- I love the Gap for jeans. Love. I began with the Essential jean -- in which I am a size 14. I loved them, especially in a dark wash. They fit almost like a pair of trousers, which, frankly, is great for my shape. I would have gladly purchased a pair and walked out until ...

... I came upon the Curvy jean. I was intrigued, because, as mentioned before, I am curvy, so shouldn't my jean be curvy, too? But, I was skeptical. Old Navy had (or has? I haven't purchased jeans there in ages) a Curvy fit, too. And they LIED. Oh, they lied. Perhaps these women they had in mind had SLIGHTLY larger hips than waist, but they certainly did not have above average thighs. And, as my calves are German and muscular, the Old Navy jeans would cling to them, even in the "flare" cuts. They were stretchy and thin, and kind of molded to your leg (which is not what a big girl wants!), and they always shrank up an inch and a half in the wash. In short, I had some baggage.

But, when I took the Gap Curvy's into the dressing room, they did not disappoint. They were dark wash, with an inseam long enough for heels and washing. They fit my hips. They fit my thighs. And readers, they FIT MY WAIST. Perfectly. As if the jean maker had me in mind when he made them.

I put the Essentials back (though they fit very well, too -- better than any jean in a long time) and purchased two pairs of the Curvy in dark wash. I don't think I'll even need a belt. I don't remember the last time I didn't have to wear a belt with jeans. I'll feel naked.

I know this was a very long post to write about a pair of jeans. And probably jeans that everyone else has already discovered. But ... for my entire developed life, I have never had a pair of jeans that fit so well, and in a cut that makes me look thinner. It was as if an entire new world was opened to me today.

So, yes. I spent $108 on two pairs of jeans, a number that would noramally appall me. But they were worth every penny.