This is just to say ...

... that it is finals time here. And it's been a hell of a month at work. And well, a lot of random shiz has come up.

I'm sorry I'm not around these parts and your blogs more. But I am done with finals on the 16th, and will only have work and family obligations after that until January.

I promise I haven't forgotten about any of ya, and that I'll be back ASAP.

But for now, I've got to get a little sleep before my morning final.

On Pain. But I'm not dying.

Hello, little circle of readers.

I'd like to say that I feel great, and that I'm back to normal. I'd like to say that for the past 5 days I've been running around like normal, and with even more energy than normal.

But I'd be lying to you.

Instead, I've been lying on the couch. I've been propped up on pillows and popping Rx strength ibuprofen. I've been applying ice packs. I've been wearing long sleeves and hiding my hands to keep others from being grossed out by the blown veins in my arms from where they tried to give me an IV. I've been hating sitting upright and moving at school and work. I've stopped carrying some of my books to school. In short, I've been a sad sack of whine and pain.

I've done what I'm supposed to. I called my PCP and told the receptionist about the issue. I told her about the ER visit and the fact that they wanted me to follow up. The soonest they could see me was December 7th. After some cajoling, the receptionist connected me to the medical assistant, who evidently knows about the super secret appointment times that aren't filled. I left her a message. This was Monday at 9am, and she still hasn't called me back.

I went to the student clinic, where a very nice nurse complimented my outfit. Evidently they see a lot of undergrads without jobs. And then the doctor came in and listened to my heart and lungs. And then he started pressing on my ribs. Hard. Repeatedly. "Does this hurt? Does it hurt now, when I press harder?" Hint: when I cry, yes, it hurts.

So, I'm not dying. I don't have a blood clot or a heart or lung problem. I just have chest wall inflammation. Which hurts. All the time. And which is exhausting, because being in pain is exhausting.

I've been told not to work out for at least a week, and not limit my lifting. To "take it easy." I suppose there will be more couch time for me in the near future.

When good weeks go bad

Let me explain. No, no. Iz too much. Let me sum up.

It's been a shitty week.

Boyfriend has bronchitis. He has two inhalers.

I've been swamped with work and school, and I'm having my lovely monthly time that makes me wish I no longer had a uterus.

On Wednesday, I saw a woman get hit by a car leaving work. And, I was insulted by another witness for sticking around to give a statement, because she saw that I work for a personal injury attorney. Shortly after I gave my statement and the cops left, a guy at the bus stop asked for my panties. Then kept edging closer, and tried to touch me. I may or may not have told him I'd have no problem killing him. I may or may not have meant it at that point.

And I'm sick, too. I've been running a low-grade fever, and have the sniffles. And headaches.

So, because we've been kind of woe-is-me, Boyfriend and I decided to go out for dinner and a movie. We ate sushi, then decided to go see Paranormal Activity.

And both were good. Except ...

Except that toward the end of the movie, my chest started to hurt. I thought it was just because I was scared, but then it didn't go away. Then I felt light-headed.

So we went to the ER.

Evidently the magic words to be seen quickly are "Uh, hi. I'm having some chest pain and I feel nauseated." They don't even ask for your insurance card. They plop you in a wheelchair and start ripping your clothes off before you even get back to the curtained area. And they don't let your boyfriend go back with you.

But the nurse was a nice guy named Andrew. And the EKG wasn't so scary. Nor was the heart monitor. Or the chest X-ray.

But trying to get an IV in my arm? JESUS. Turns out I'm a hard stick. Especially when I've had caffeine. Don't ask me how much I'd had by 11pm when we showed up at the ER. It's embarrassing. Anyway. Three different nurses tried. One (my dear Andrew) was able to draw the necessary blood to get the tests for blood clots done. Then the sticking really started. My favorite is when one of the shift nurses tried to start one in my hand, and totally blew a vein. I bled all over the floor, and my hand is still swollen three hours later, after ice.

After all that -- no clue why it hurts. I have a prescription for the super-extra-strength Motrin. They think it's probably inflammation between my ribs, but I'm supposed to follow up with my PCP ASAP.

So. How was YOUR week?

Being a lawyer? It's hard.

So, dear friends.

This is the week that I've stopped doing just depo summaries and moved onto things that actually, you know, MATTER. I'm doing a memo for Tuesday, and I had a client meeting today.

It's hard.

I'm wondering if it gets any easier.

Turning it aroud

Remember the days when I ate well? Those days have been long gone for a while now.

I can't do a whole lot about my exercise routine at the moment, with school and work. I can make it days I don't go in. And the weekends. And I should and I will. But I won't get back to my former workout glory.

And that's OK.

I'm cutting out white flour again -- it's crept back into my diet, and it's evil stuff.

I'm also cutting out Diet Coke. It PAINS me to do this, but I drink WAY. TOO. MUCH. I can still have a cup of coffee or so a day -- I don't over-indulge in coffee. Diet Coke will have to go by the wayside for a while.

And? I will eat less bread and more veggies. Bread does evil things to my body -- it makes it crave even more bread. Some is healthy, but I've not been the best in that regard.

I'm not going to make hard and fast "rules" because ... it just makes me feel limited and deprived. And I can't think of it that way. I'm going to eat more veggies. More fruits. More lean protein.


I don't like falling off the wagon. But I hate feeling fat even more.

People are bastard coated bastards with bastard filling

I've been very disappointed in some people I know lately. They've been hurtful and superior. They've hurt others just for the hell of it, and hurt others to just keep them down.

So, to reverse this trend I ask you, Dear Readers: Pop over to see Katie at Overflowing Brain. She could use a word of encouragement and to know that the internet has got her back. You're all so great to me -- let's pass that along.

Halloween AWESOME-TUDE

Dearest Readers, I have been agonizing about Halloween for weeks. WEEKS, I tell you!

You see, Boyfriend and I wanted to dress up together. All couple-like. But so many couple's costumes are lame. Overdone. Expensive. Unfunny.

You get the picture.

Anyway, a friend suggested Paulie Bleeker and Juno. And as I was looking for the T-shirts they wear most in the movie ... I saw our true Halloween calling.

It was a Captain Hammer T-shirt.

But, lest you think I am going as Penny, Dear Readers, think again! Because Boyfriend and I like to buck tradition! Instead, I will be going as Dr. Horrible to Boyfriend's Captain Hammer.

Our things are ordered. All should get here before Halloween. It will be awesome-sauce. Boyfriend has already said he is never taking his hammer T off once it comes because, "It may be the most awesome thing I own."

We are nerds. But we have Halloween costumes.

Autopilot

I've been on autopilot the last few weeks. It's been point A to point B. Get through the day. I want nothing more than to get to bedtime every night, and yet when it comes, I can't sleep.

I've always been an insomniac, and law school has only intensified this tendency. Despite my life being pretty damn good at the moment, I'm always kind of vaguely annoyed or unhappy. Maybe it's just law school malaise. Maybe it's more. I don't really have time to sit down and decide one way or another at this juncture.

Either way, I'm really busy. I'm in class in the morning, work in the afternoon, and then I've got to do the reading and assignments for school. Somewhere in there I need to start making time for the gym. But I'm giving myself pass on that for a while, until I figure out which way is up with the new schedule. I've been maintaining with really no effort. That in itself is probably victory enough until life starts to make some sense.

I just need to snap out of it. I've been sick for what feels like forever. I've got more work than I anticipated. And I miss quality time with Boyfriend, but by the time things are done at night, I just want to sleep. Or stare off into space and think about sleeping, or about how epic Christmas break will be.

But, for now, it will have to do that I just watched a Youtube video of a cat climbing a ladder. And that I will watch episodes of Doogie Howser, M.D. on Hulu until I fall asleep. You know you're jealous.

I'm a paid law clerk. Weird. And is it normal to be scared of the partners?

So.

After this post, I'm not going to blog about work. Or if I do, it will be to say, "Oh, man, work is cool! I love my bosses!" and similars. Trust me, there's enough going on in the life and weight loss of Five without the craziness that is the Job.

But. I did want to say this.

Law firms are cool.

I say this after working for a totally awesome judge in a totally awesome city in a totally awesome state. My summer experience was great and I wouldn't change it for anything. But that said ...

I have an office. Yes, I share it, but I have a big L shaped desk that is mine. I have an email address. There are assistants. I'll have an extension. My computer was made after 2000. I'm not working in an "office" that is really the library, where everyone is barging in all the time and disrupting my mojo by pulling books. Where everyone can read over my shoulder. Where anyone walking to get coffee can see if I got up to go to the bathroom. Where my "desk" was just big enough for my computer. Barely. I don't have to put books on my lap to work anymore. There's tons of room everything I could ever need at work.

And, at the end of it all, there's a paycheck.

So, thus far, the transition to firm life has been good. I survived the first day and didn't die. I wasn't fired. And I was only moderately terrified when I met a partner.

I think that's probably a pretty good first day.

I got my hairs painted!

My hairs have been painted. In highlight form. By a professional. For the first time in ... years.

You see, Readers, I am what you might call ... frugal. Yes, we'll go with frugal. I am frugal when it comes to the hairs on my head. In college I did all-over box dye to bring my chestnut hair to truly red. I did it myself, and had many an interesting result. But I was adventurous! I had only one bad experience, which necessitated a trip to the salon for my first and (until today) only professional color experience. I went BRIGHT red that day. It was hot.

Since graduating over a year ago, I have not put dye in my hair. I don't know if it was laziness that started it, but after a while I realized I liked my natural color. So it stayed. And I still like my natural color. But I wanted some ... ooomph. Some vavava voom! So I made an appointment with a salon that my friends swear by and got a cut and color.

And my hairs are pretty. See?



That's pretty much all I've got. Save to say that I'm up to my eyeballs in law school. Kill me now.