Sunday, July 26, 2009

Interesting thought

So, I'm watching Harry Potter with Boyfriend, and I wonder ...

When do I stop being "fat"? Is it at my goal weight? When I hit a certain size? BMI? Percentage of body fat?

I'm 20+lbs lighter, and feel like I look a lot skinnier around my middle, but I still FEEL just as fat as I did at 214. Mentally, I'm still 214. I'm in awe when old clothes don't fit, or I can wear a size 14.

I think it's because I've been big since puberty (hello? PCOS sign? I think so). I've always identified myself as a "big girl" and I've always been ashamed of it. Starting this blog was hard for that reason. Typing "fat" is hard. There's a lot of baggage that goes along with that honesty.

So, when do I get to say I'm not fat anymore? I know there's no right answer, but what do y'all think?


  1. for me, i have always defined the end of fat when i can buy a size 12. size 12 is no longer considered plus-sized in the normal people clothing realm. (not going to get into how a size 4 is plus-sized on america's next top model.)

    lane bryant doesn't sell 12s, so that was it for me.

    i don't think you have to wait until your goal weight to not call yourself "fat" anymore, or not identify, but it's all how you measure your success. it took me a long time to get a handle on the fact that there were people that looked fatter than me, but weighed a lot less. fat, skin, weight, it's all different on different people.

    so, in closing on this obnoxiously long comment, i think you should pick one measurement type you want to use as yours, draw a line in the sand and determine where "fat" and where "not fat" are, and work hard to cross to the other side.

  2. I often wonder that too. I think I've shifted my thinking a little bit to include encouraging ways to describe my appearance like "I am strong" or "My legs are muscular", but in all honesty, until this gut is gone, I think I'll always consider myself fat. I'm about your same height (5'3-3/4") and wear a size 12, so I'm not really sure what size I would end up in to feel "not fat". I think I'm aiming for a single digit...8 would be great!

  3. This was a really long comment, so I deleted the first paragraph, hopefully it still makes any sort of sense...

    So basically I have decided that fat is an internal thing. You can only be fat if you live a fat life. But if you are eating well, and staying active, you are not living a fat life. You are living a healthy life, maybe even an athletes life. So that's what you are, because that's hwo you live.

    The body will follow along after that.

    (Although my more cynical side seems to think that I will always feel fat. Damn conflicting sides.)

  4. Manda,

    I think your comment really gets to the heart of my issue. I'm feeling good about my lifestyle, but my body isn't there yet. This is normal, I know. These things are a process.

    I think that honestly, I'll never feel about my body the way that people who have always been thin feel. I'll always be a little more self-conscious. But I'll probably appreciate end result a lot more, too.

    Thanks, ladies. :)